Things have mostly been the same old, same old. I go to work and I come home. Rinse and repeat. It is frustrating sometimes, since I don't have a car, so I can't really take random adventures like I used to. I do have a bike, but a lot of the places I'd like to go aren't in biking distance since everything in the city is so spread out. Our public transportation system isn't very good, either. I do want to try to get out more, even if it's just biking down to the beach (if the heat will let me...it's been so hot).
I have been stressed out and burnt out, though. It's been a struggle to find the energy to do anything, since I have to use pretty much all of my spoons on work every day. There are things I want to write, books I want to read, games I want to play...but when I get home, I'm just ready to go to bed. I feel as if I'm not actually living, but am instead just surviving. It's not a nice feeling. I'm not sure how to fix it, though. I have been job searching for something better paying, because even though I love my job as a librarian, it just doesn't pay enough for me to live on comfortably.
I try to keep the hope that things will get better and that they will work out. I have so many stressful things going on. I won't go into detail, because it's boring, honestly. And a little embarrassing. I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not be too harsh. While some of what has happened is my fault, a lot of it stemmed from being younger and not as...well, wiser, I guess. So I try to be gentle and remind myself that I'm not the only person who has dealt with these things. I also try to remind myself that making mistakes doesn't make me a bad person.
It is hard to find positivity when it feels like life is kicking you in the teeth, but I try to focus on little things. A good cup of coffee, an interesting book, doing acts of kindness...I try to find the beautiful things in life that make it worth it to keep going. Sometimes that's all you can do. I'm lucky in that I have wonderful friends I can talk to, who help make my days brighter. Even though things are hard I do have a lot I'm grateful for...having friends, having a roof over my head, having a job.
I think things will get better. Maybe not soon, but one day.